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1. 12:23 PM - Memo from Santa (Robert V. Hunter)
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"tailwind-list@matronics.com" <tailwind-list@matronics.com>
*Memo from Santa:*
*
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve
the States of Alabama, Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina,
Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Michigan on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the
new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so
keep that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your
local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.
His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few
differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.
He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an
RC cola and pork skins (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't
smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so please have an empty spit can
handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying coon dogs instead
of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one
time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when Bubba
Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott
and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely to
hear Bubba's elves respond, "I hear'd dat."
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a
Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."
*
--
Jerry L. Mahurin
EAA# 0034283
Lugoff, SC
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