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1. 10:00 AM - a new hope!/? (Sqxpert@aol.com)
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--> XDP4000X-List message posted by: Sqxpert@aol.com
well let me 1st start off by saying it has been a rollercoster ride for the
past week.
up , and down , up , and down
well today i have accualy found myself thoughout all the darknesslight at the
end of the tunnel
you may ask yourself- why am i writing this, it is becouse i finally
believe in alot tof things that most people dont
well it all started about 6 years ago when i got laid off at a local body
shop, i had just returned form tech school, and was just about ready to get
that raise i was working so hard for, on top of it i had a new born baby
coming.
i had just returned back to work , and got called in the office on a wedsday
afternoon, my bosses name was dale, one of the nicest people you could ever
meet, he was the type of person that woulod bend over backwards for a person,
and help them out as much as he possiblly could. my whole life had changed
that day in may, instead of getting the promotion that i had thought i
deserved i had got the boot , and got laid off. i was in so an emotional
state. but i did find work at a local bus garage , painting designes on
busses, the place was called shortway bus company, my brother in law had
scored this job for me, becouse they where in need of a great painter to do
art work for them , on some new busses. i was just about ready to take
anything at that point, becouse i had my 1st child on the way. so i was
there for maybe 7 months, and then the place closed down , due to not
makeing any money in the bus company. both me and my brother in law where
standing in the unemployment line. well i had met alot of cool people
while i was up at the tech center in white house , and though i would call a
few of them , and se if they had any info , on anyone looking for painters,
i thought that this would work well , due to the fact that 90% of them where
reps. i ended up scoreing one of the biggest jobs in detriot, i worked for a
place called motor city collision, and by now, my son was 2 , and my 2nd
child was on her way.
i was never home, but made good money, even though i still have pics of
myself taking family pics, you can still look into my eyes , and see that i
was hating life,
why?
becouse i made awsome money , but was never there for my kids mom , and
most important , my whole family was falling apart, my mom was very sick,
and even though my son was only 2 , i felt like i was never there(witch i
wasn t) but i felt like i was buying his love.
now motor city collision was located in bellville michigan, right neer
detriot airport,
it took me awhile to get back and forth to work , but i guess i didn t mind,
becouse i made $1800.00 pr week, but that thanksgiving, i had told my mom
in a car ride to the store, , i said" mom , i am so unhappy w/ my life, and
i m not working for what i want!"
she then said, "well tim, what do you want?"
i replyed " i want to have a family, and just be happy, no matter how hard i
strugle, i will allways find a way to make it nomatter what, i love my son,
and i have another one on the way, mom what do i do?"
and she had said something that will allways forever be my way of thinking
in life
she said" tim, would you rather have alot of money , and no happines, or
have alot of happyiness , and hardly any money?"
i didn t know what to say , becouse i knew she was so right, till this day ,
i will never forget that car ride
now i guess i should move forward to about a year ago, my kids mom , and i
had split up, and we had our diffrences
and she ended up taking me to court, little did she know that i ended up
getting full custody of both our children.
it was about 2 weeks later that she had finally came over to my place ,and
seen the kids, she ended up giving me hell , and one week later i ended up
being a victim of a kidnapping, and haven t seen my daughter in over a year
and a 1/2, and my poor son dorien has cried in bed over her several nights.
i went into a real bad state of depression, i let everything go, and i wasn
t worried about anything, i really didn t care about life at all.
now onto yeaterday i guess-lol-, i ended up going to court , and getting
papers to find out where she can be located, and after so much time, i
finally got them.
and today has to be the best day of my life, well one of them i would say, i
had a problem w/ my window track for like a week now, and i tried to repair
it myslef yesterday, but my big huge butterfingers couldn t even get in to
grasp the window to get it back on track, so what did i do , i called a real
good friend of mine, that i used to work for awhile back, he wasn t in , but
i did talk to his assistant, and he said, go ahead bring it here, i ll wait
for ya, so i didn t make it yesterday , so i ended up calling josh back, and
saying hey , i ll drop it off in the morning, josh said, no prob tim, so i
wore up this morning, and i took it over there 1st thing , i walk in , and
bob (the owner )says "whats up tim- you looking for a job?" i said, "umm ,
umm, umm," i kinda studered becouse i didn t know what to say , i ended up
saying yes, acually i am , in a really low tone, so bob, and i had talked
for about 20 mins, while my sister sat in the car waiting for me to come
out,lol
and i said , ohh yeah bob, i accaully came to get my car fixed, and he said
he whould have bryan fix it in the morning-lol-
so now i am back working, and tring to do better formyself, and I HOPE
THAT ALL WORKS OUT FOR ME IN THE END
i went to church last sunday for the 1st time , in a long time, and i sat
there w/ my son, and looked at the statue of jc hanging, i prayed for him
to make my life better, and that i was really tring to kill myslef, and i
wasn t the man , that somepeople had met,
to be in all honesty, i have only loved 2 women in my life, and one was my
daughter , and the other one is not in my life anymore, becouse i messed up
real bad!
by trying to make myself seem like i am something i am not, i allways
felt that she was so above me in every way , and i would just try and get
myself up there, nomatter what i would have to do, i would lie to this women
fal worse apart,
but i m glad that she gave me the opertunity to really get to know her,
becouse deep inside she is such a beautiful women, and i miss telling her
that , and i miss telling my little angle, i want her to grow up to be like
the women i m talking about.
i have apoligized in every way , even when i don t think that they can hear,
but sometimes i think the message gets though.
well i m off to a new start, and i just want everyone to wish me luck in
going back to work , and making the money i finally deserve again, it s been
along time, but i can do it, i know i am a man, and i know i have broken
many bridges, and hurt alot of people, and i have tried to appoligize in so
many ways.
but to the people reading this, i just thought i would say , i ve had it
pretty bad the last couple of years, and it seems to be getting better.
and just wish me luck on my
NEW HOPE!
thanks for taking the time to read this,
tim koehle
p.s. my # has changed back , to many sales calls, and other people that i
don t know calling
tk
419-514-5837
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