Matronics Email Lists :: View topic

Matronics Email Lists
Web Forum Interface to the Matronics Email Lists

Get Email Distribution Too! FAQ Search Memberlist Usergroups Register

Profile Log in to check your private messages Log in

Quantas air lines

Matronics Email Lists Forum Index -> Commander-List

View previous topic :: View next topic

Author Message

wjrhamilton(at)optusnet.c
Guest

Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:43 pm Post subject: Quantas air lines

Nico,

With all due respect, ain't no such animal as QUantas, although we 

have to list it under QU---- in all the North American phone books.

The world's second oldest international airline started as Queensland 

& Northern Territory Aerial Services, hence QANTAS.

Or have a look at John Travolta's B707-138B, one of our original ( 

and one of two remaining) -138 models ( and not a -120, as many 

claim, and thereby hangs another story) where you will see it spelt correctly.

Have a look at <www.qantas.com.au>

Cheers,

Bill Hamilton.



PS

We have had accidents, but the last fatal accident (to an airline 

service, as opposed to developmental air services in Papua/New 

Guinea) was a Lancastrian ( passenger version of the Avro Lancaster) 

shot down by the Japanese of the NW Australian coast, en route 

Australia to Ceylon.

We have never had a jet fatal accident or even a serious injury, 

despite being the first non-US operator of Boeing jets. We have just 

ordered 115 B787.

Re. the snags joke, I first saw this list attached to BOAC in the 

late '60's/early 70's, what goes around, comes around. Just fill in 

airline name of choice.





At 16:19 20/03/2006, you wrote:

 	  Quote: 	
		  



Subject: Fw: Quantas air lines

   These have been around before, but still funny....



   Begin forwarded message:



   These will bring a smile to your face, or maybe even more.



   Subject: Quantas air lines



   Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a 

 high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly 

 routinely in our jobs.



   After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 

 "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the 

 aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their 

 repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before 

 the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.



   Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' 

 pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an 

 S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major! 

 airline that has never had an accident.



   P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

   S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



   P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

   S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



   P: Something loose in cockpit.

   S: Something tightened in cockpit.



   P: Dead bugs on windshield.

   S: Live bugs on back-order.



   P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

   S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



   P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

   S: Evidence removed.



   P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

   S: DME volume set to more believable level.



   P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

   S: That's what they're for.



   P: IFF inoperative.

   S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



   P: Suspected crack in windshield.

   S: Suspect you're right.



   P: Number 3 engine missing.

   S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



   P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

   S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



   P: Target radar hums.

   S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



   P: Mouse in cockpit.

   S: Cat installed



   And the best one for last .................



   P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget 

 pounding on something with a hammer.

   S: Took hammer away from midget.








	




CONFIDENTIALITY & PRIVILEGE NOTICE

W.J.R.Hamilton,Glenalmond Group Companies,Fighter Flights Internet 

Services and Warbirds.Net. & <wjrhamilton(at)optusnet.com.au>.

This message is intended for and should only be used by the 

addressee. It is confidential and may contain legally privileged 

information.If you are not the intended recipient any use 

distribution,disclosure or copying of this message is strictly 

prohibited.Confidentiality and legal privilege attached to this 

communication are not waived or lost by reason of the mistaken 

delivery to you.If you have received this message in error, please 

notify us immediately to:

  Australia 61 (0)408 876 526

Dolores capitis non fero. Eos do.

- The Matronics Commander-List Email Forum -

Use the List Feature Navigator to browse the many List utilities available such as the Email Subscriptions page, Archive Search & Download, 7-Day Browse, Chat, FAQ, Photoshare, and much more:

http://www.matronics.com/Navigator?Commander-List

nico(at)cybersuperstore.c
Guest

Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 10:44 pm Post subject: Quantas air lines

Bill,

I stand corrected, even though I didn't write the story but only passed it

along. I should have made sure it is correct. Good point.

Thanks

Nico

---

- The Matronics Commander-List Email Forum -

Use the List Feature Navigator to browse the many List utilities available such as the Email Subscriptions page, Archive Search & Download, 7-Day Browse, Chat, FAQ, Photoshare, and much more:

http://www.matronics.com/Navigator?Commander-List

Display posts from previous:

	Matronics Email Lists Forum Index -> Commander-List	All times are GMT - 8 Hours
Page 1 of 1

Jump to:

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum