Off-topic: flying (and other military) humor


Subject:    Off-topic: flying (and other military) humor
From:    Craig Payne (craig@craigandjean.com)
Date:    Tue Nov 03 - 10:10 PM
"If the enemy is in range, so are
you."
Infantry Journal
---------------------------------------------
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just 
bombed."
U.S. Air Force Manual
---------------------------------------------
"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never 
encountered automatic weapons."
- General MacArthur
---------------------------------------------
"You, you, and you . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt.
---------------------------------------------
"Tracers work both
ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance
---------------------------------------------
"Five second fuses only last three
seconds."
- Infantry Journal
---------------------------------------------
"Any ship can be a
minesweeper....Once."
---------------------------------------------
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
- Unknown Marine Recruit
---------------------------------------------
Clean it, if it's Dirty. Oil it, if it Squeaks.
But: Don't Mess with it, if it
Works!
USAF Electronic Technician
------------------------------------------------------------------
"If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him."
    USAF  - Ammo Troop
---------------------------------------------
"Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No 
Evil.
For I am at 80,000 Feet and
Climbing."
---------------------------------------------
"You've never been lost until
you've been lost at Mach 3."
- Paul F. Crickmore ( test pilot
)
---------------------------------------------
  A Navigator's Definition of Latitude & Longitude:
Latitude is Where We are Lost, &
Longitude is How Long We've been Lost There!
USAF Navi-guesser
---------------------------------------------
"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
---------------------------------------------
"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a 
helicopter
--
However, it's probably unsafe in any case "
---------------------------------------------
"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, You always have 
enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
---------------------------------------------
"What is the similarity between air
traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot fowls up, the pilot
dies;  If ATC fowls up, . The pilot
dies."
---------------------------------------------
"Airspeed, altitude and brains.
Two out of three are needed to successfully complete the flight."
---------------------------------------------
"Mankind has a perfect record in
aviation. We never left one up there!"
---------------------------------------------
"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a 
person on the ground Who is incapable of understanding or doing 
anything about it."
---------------------------------------------
"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just 
barely kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test
pilot)
---------------------------------------------
"There is no reason to fly through a
thunderstorm in peacetime."
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
---------------------------------------------
"If something hasn't broken on your
helicopter, it's about to."
---------------------------------------------
"You know that your landing gear is up and locked When it takes FULL 
power to taxi to the terminal."
---------------------------------------------
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having 
torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck 
arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?"  
The pilot's reply: "I don 't know, I just got here myself!"

-- Craig
Do not archive




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